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Sensitivity If there was a living twin companion present in the womb for several weeks, then the survivor tends to be inordinately empathetic, sensitive, intuitive and creative. Wombtwin survivors are very sensitive to the moods of others, particularly where this involves sadness or hurt. They react strongly to the atmosphere generated within a group of people. They use their acute sensitivity to others to cool down a tense situation. They are often charming or funny, working hard to keep others happy. They may be seen doing this at a very early age. Shame They tend to be acutely aware of the needs of others, but easily hurt if this is not reciprocated. They are very forgiving and tend to sacrifice their own feelings for the sake of others. For this reason they are often the subject of bullying or parental abuse, in which case their accommodating nature is taken advantage of and they may experience excessive amounts of shame. Alternatively they may be provocative and oppositional towards their peers and parents and as a result frequently shamed and/or punished. They appear to be over sensitive, over-anxious and even neurotic. They can feel guilty about nothing and everything. They are in fact doing nothing more than try and understand a lost memory of the womb. Death and mourning Wombtwin survivors are very concerned with death. This is not at all surprising if we consider that the first learned experience is of the death of the twin. In later life wombtwin survivors will inevitably be confronted with death or loss once more. At that point the hidden memory of loss is triggered. The most traumatic bereavement for an wombtwin survivor is the death of a person or animal with which they have had a very close bond and intimate relationship. Faced with this "Oh, no! Not again!" experience they may find it hard to cope without some emotional support and seek help. It may not be death that does it: divorce, disability and redundancy are all losses that can trigger deep distress, despair and depression. Exaggerated responses Wombtwin survivors can go "over the top" with emotions. As babies they may cry a lot about nothing; as toddlers they may be afraid of being left alone, especially in the dark. As children they may suddenly become withdrawn and feel a dark mood of despair, or fear of death coming upon them for no particular reason. They may be described as "moody". As teenagers they may hide away weeping for hours for some invented reason, not really knowing why. As adults they may be plunged into "black dog" depression that comes and goes with no apparent cause. The whole demeanour of wombtwins changes with their moods, which can oscillate wildly between despair / rage and loud laughter / joy over a short period of time. Living life intensely Wombtwin survivors live life to the full and overflowing. There are simply not enough hours in the day for what they want to achieve. They often have two jobs, or have several part-time occupations at once. They do not know what it is to be bored, rather they are bursting with new ideas that demand creative expression. They are always busy, but try to find time for people and their needs. They will sit up all night with someone in need, or drop everything for the sake of a friend. They become exhausted, not by their busy lives, but by the added demands they put on themselves to reach out to friends in need, following which they have to fulfil the normal demands of job and family. Unfinished business Wombtwin survivors tend to start new projects with great gusto but quickly run out of steam and often do not carry things through. They are great initiators, providing someone else can come and take over at a later date and bring the whole thing to fruition. Where there is no one to take over, they may leave the remains of several unfinished projects lying around to clutter up their home. They may hate the clutter but they will say that it is difficult to get round to finishing things off, as if there is an emotional block to doing so. Two-ness Wombtwin survivors love two-ness. As children they may show a preoccupation with twins, or tend to frequently point out "two things the same". Later they may discover a great love of symmetry or balance. They may seek out opposite extremes to complete their lives or they may like to have two the same of what they like. In partnership they may prefer to work with someone who is the opposite of themselves or be deeply attracted to someone born on the same day or with the same name. They love to discover sameness with their friends or relations. The easiest people for wombtwin survivors to relate to are other wombtwin survivors. They sniff each other out in crowds and even at bus stops, where they are quickly to be found deep in conversation at an intimate level. Need for a soul mate In babyhood wombtwin survivors constantly mutter or sing to themselves, and may have an imaginary friend, particularly if they are an only child. As children they are good communicators. They may be unhappy at the thought of not having friends but sometimes their eagerness to make friends drives people away and this causes loneliness and hurt. If they learn to charm people or make them laugh, they will make good use of that skill wherever they can. The adult wombtwin survivor is diminished in power if he lives and works alone. If he is able to form a partnership then he can be fully-functioning, using the partnership itself as a way to bring forth the full creative potential of both parties. Creative bliss is close contact with a creative friend and the joy of seeing something emerge that is greater than either of them could achieve alone. Split personality Wombtwin survivors may have two very contrasting sides to their personality. If so, they tend not to be sure which is "me" and which is "not me". In their frantic rush through life they can still find it remarkably easy if necessary to sit still and quiet, drawing on a little used part of themselves to do this. They are often very patient people with a strong capacity for endurance. They may talk about "a strong inner life" that enables them to suffer pain, long periods of forced inactivity or solitude. Survival guilt and shame The real tragedy of the life of an wombtwin survivor is the tendency to feel a strong sense of survivor guilt. Mostly there is no need to be ashamed at all - for example feeling bad about not being clever enough or having a nose the wrong shape. However some wombtwin survivors get into a lot of trouble when they begin to invent reasons for this unreasonable feeling of shame. They simply behave shamefully and then feel ashamed of having done whatever it was. Empathy Wombtwin survivors have a natural facility for empathy, i.e.. the ability to feel the same feelings as another person. I believe this is because their formative experience was in an intimate, empathetic relationship with a womb twin. This is a very useful tool for forming and cementing relationships and maintaining a harmonious atmosphere. However they can get tangled up in other people's lives because of their ability to "pick up" on the feelings of another person. They can end up as unwitting vehicles for the unexpressed, unacknowledged feelings of other people unless they stay alert to their own propensity to take feelings on. Without a considerable degree of self knowledge they are easily scape-goated and become very vulnerable to abuses of power. Difference It doesn't take wombtwin survivors long to realise that they see the world differently from other people. If they want to fit in they may pretend to be the same as everyone else but wonder why the others do not see the world so clearly. If they have to join in with people who do not use intuition or empathy this is very hard for them, and accentuates their feeling of being the "odd one out". Holding on / letting go Some wombtwins have certain beloved possessions they could not live without. As parents wombtwins find it hard to let go of their need to feel close to their own children. They seem to suffer more from any lack of emotional contact with them than the average parent might. They can survive on minimal emotional contact with loved ones, but a complete absence of contact causes extreme emotional pain: this is just too much of a reminder of the loved one who was lost forever. Searching Wombtwin survivors tend to be always making changes in life and never seem to settle on anything. They are never satisfied with their performance and set impossibly high standards for themselves which they never reach. They are restless, always on the move, seeking out new experiences and discoveries. Several wombtwin survivors have told me that they spend a lot of energy and time searching for something but they don't know what it is. The important aspect of this search is that it is constant and exhausting and the thing looked for is never found. If an wombtwin survivor has a dream, somehow it never comes true. This is the search for the lost wombtwin, who of course remains forever lost. | |||
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